Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
