wakey wakey hands off snakey
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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