So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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