Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
