He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I wear drunk well.
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