What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
