I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
