I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
