Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
