I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
