im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
