How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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