Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
