My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
