i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
