in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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