We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
