please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
