Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
