My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
