wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
