it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
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I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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