i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
