went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My vagina is officially offended.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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