i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
