Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
