thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
