She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
