Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
