I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize