You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
