Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
