whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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