Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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