Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
