I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
