bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
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Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
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The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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