why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My ass is underappreciated
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
