Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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