First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
