Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
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When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
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I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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