I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
