I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
