Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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