Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
