She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
