It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
