I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
