This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
