I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
