if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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