we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
