just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
