we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
