I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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