You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
