she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
