we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
