You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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